I was just reading that and thinking, "Hey, I never really got to my point in that long rambling diatribe."
Without further ado, Real, semi-real, fake. What place do those words have in parenting, especially in reference to the status of your children?
What got me thinking about it was the conversation with a friend that started the last blog post wherein she said, "Once Frank has a real child, he'll be so happy." Needless to say I mentioned that Sarah is very much real. But I knew her intent, even if her delivery was sloppy. My guess on her intended statement, "Frank will love having a biologically related child to see grow and marvel at the coincidences and quirks of nature and nurture." I was perturbed, yes. But will I end a friendship over it. Not likely, although I will be more careful about interactions that have the potential to hurt my kiddo.
There is, in my opinion, an underlying belief in this world that for you to be a real parent, you must have had sex, gotten pregnant, and then squeezed the infant out your vagina. Any other path is seen as "less than". "Not equal". "Not the same". From c-sections, to adoption, to step parenting, to fostering, to surrogacy, to egg donor adoption, to egg donor adoption, sperm donor adoption with surrogacy, gay partner adoption of baby via ivf and on and on there are many ways to be a parent. None of those ways are better than another, none convey a greater status, or love or statement of family. Some are harder than others, some are easier. Some convey greater intent to parent than others. But their validity is all there.
So, to all those who might ask, "Is she your real child?" I answer, emphatically, "Yes, as will be any child who comes into our family via any means." or maybe I'll just say, "Yeah, I squeezed her out my hooha, wanna see my scars?"