Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Cry if I want to? Why not just cry, have a good cry and get it all out.

Surrogacy shit
Lack of sperm shit
Health shit
Cost of health shit (I'm looking at 5K in bills on the counter)
Sarah's dad being an ass shit
Not having a calm and nice family holiday after we talked about what we wanted and how we were going to do it shit
MIL shit
In law shit
Birthday shit
Anniversary shit
New Year's Eve party shit

My bday yesterday. The high point was my mom and S making bagels. All went downhill from there. Frank bought me a card. He gave it to me at dinner, the one I planned, bought the coupon for, drove to, arranged, etc. No present, no chocolate, no flower, nada. Yet another birthday that the holidays stole. Sarah started whining about 25% of the way into dinner after she'd drank an entire mango lassi and had a tummyache, so we packed our food up and went home. She was a complete drama queen.

Do we go to an annual party tonight, where the kids all stay up late and we sleep over? Sounds kind of nice, except it's at our surrogate's house and everyone who will be there are who she announced the news to at our last visit. So if we go, it's nonstop questions till we either give a real answer or piss people off enough to stop.

I decided to get up because being awake at 5 am sure beat dreaming still. My dreams were all screwed up.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


It will get better. You'll see that new door of opportunity some day, and it will get better. I promise. In the mean time, do NOT apologise for feeling like shit about this. It's a special kind of hell, and you're allowed to acknowledge it.